Day Ninety Two: Path to Happiness

Dear David,

Dear Deirdre has worked hard on me today. Instead of having dealt with the rejection and moved on, I was initially most philosophical but three days in a hotel and 12 hour days at work have given me a lot of time to dwell and stew on this. I started with nonchalance, peppered with a little anger. I then moved on to self pity and self loathing.

Deirdre has spent today trying to explain how to move on and why I should move on. We developed another model. It is called 'How to get on the path of least resistance or the road to happiness'.

It goes something like this. Lady asks man out and man rejects her. She has three options.

1. She can dwell on it and continue down the road of abject misery
2. She can move on and go onto the highway of happiness
3. She can try to ask again

If lady goes for option 3, she can get a positive response which can result in either happiness or abject misery depending on the calibre of gentleman. If she gets another knock back then she can potentially go down the road towards abject misery.

What we can surmise is the the following. The shortest, quickest and path of least resistance is to move on.

Dear Deirdre made me put in the clock as he thought it was a potent reminder that I am getting older and that I should stop fannying about immediately.

Dear Deirdre also pointed out that the way that I asked him for a drink was not dreadfully explicit. He tried to explain his lack of reponse to me. It was one of the following options;

1. He did not understand what I meant because it was too subtle
2. He did understand what I meant and just ignored it
3. He did understand what I meant and ignored it because he did not know how to say no

He then went on to explain the implications of these options;

1. He did not understand what I meant because it was too subtle = He is thick
2. He did understand what I meant and just ignored it = He is an arse
3. He did understand what I meant and ignored it because he did not know how to say no = He is spineless

He asked me if these were qualities that I was looking for in a potential mate. If these were not indeed qualities that I was looking for in a mate, he recommended I take the path to happiness immediately.

The original model is shown below.




I saw man today. I talked like a train AT him and was so uncomfortable that I swore like a trooper. I then spent all afternoon cross referencing my requirements document with FSA policy statements and dwelling on how horrible, terrible and awful I must be.That's terrible, isn't it?! I despaired that I was brash, foul mouthed, loud yet at the same time shy and awkward. Oh and fat, how terribly, terribly fat.

To further compound matters, I have to move desk. I got confirmation today. I have to move round to the Corner of Depression, Shiteville or the Dark Place. I have not decided on a name which aptly describes the dreadful atmosphere round where my new desk will be. It is however a good desk. It's a corner desk, lots of space, at the window and screen not in view of a soul. This will not make up for the diabolical atmosphere.

Boss assures me that I bring fun wherever I go and that I can make my own fun but I am going to miss Jag and Deirdre terribly. I just cannot bear the thought of not seeing them every day at such close quarters. It will be woeful.

The model is helping with the man stuff though. Path of least resistance has been choosen. I am reading 'Oh the Places You'll Go' by Dr Seuss this evening. It's the only self-help book anyone will ever need. Text below.

Dreadfully wicked today. I had a boost bar about 4pm in a moment of depravity. I have the Oompa Loompas on speed dial. I am starting afresh on Wednesday when my 5 day detox kit arrives and I start all over again. I feel like I need a fresh start. I have brains in my head and feet in my shoes and I can steer myself in any direction I choose. I choose HAPPINESS!


Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!



Thursday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, frittata and salad for lunch, 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter and small piece of steamed salmon for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for dinner + a Boost chocolate bar (why?)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: RUNNING WEEK 4 DAY 2 (C25k app)

Day Ninety One: David Kirsch, can you please send some oompa loompas??

Dear David,

Right. Where the hell are they? Where are you oompa loompas? I have just eaten handful of yoghurt-coated raisins. I am still stuck in the f***ing office. I am writing a document and trying to cross-reference it with a policy statement and I am starting to get tired, emotional and a little frustrated. It is 20.24 and I am feeling a bit ‘murder, death, kill’.

I was not too bad today otherwise. I had shake for breakfast, egg whites for mid-morning snack, tuna and vegetables for lunch, wee can of tuna mid-afternoon and then f***ed it up by eating handful of the most disgusting raisins I have ever tasted.

I went for Week 4 Run 1 this morning. I am now doing the following;

Brisk five-minute warm-up walk and then:

- Jog 3 minutes
- Walk 90 seconds
- Jog 5 minutes
- Walk 2 ½ minutes
- Jog 3 minutes
- Walk 90 seconds
- Jog 5 minutes
- Cool down 5 minutes

I am doing the same again tomorrow morning. I have to admit I found it a little tough this morning at 6.30am. I got out early in case I was spotted again in my lyrca suit of shame.

Wore new dress from French Connection today and felt millions happier than I did yesterday..

Kikicee

Day Eighty Five to Ninety: where are the oompa loompas when you need them?

Dear David,

Well I have been terribly remiss and have not updated this in rather a while. It was the Easter weekend and I had some gorging to do, it would seem.

Thursday was somewhat of a watershed in the tales of SUBO and, having given up on crush one and (married) crush two, I decided to follow Dear Deirdre’s sounds advice and finally make a foray into normalcy. The realm of normalcy holds not much interest for me and I usually take great pains to avoid it. However, it would seem that this is the only way that one can avoid dying alone so I thought it might be time to venture forth from Green Gables and behave like a normal, sensible adult.

I asked someone to go for a drink. I asked a nice, pleasant, normal man if he would like to go for a drink. I was subtlety knocked back as email was brutally ignored. It turns out nice, pleasant, normal man is not any of the above. However, I don’t appear to be bleeding, I have no lacerations, scars, broken limbs and I have not had a nervous breakdown. Was Dear Deirdre right after all?

Much as it pains me to admit, I think Dear Deirdre was indeed right.

It was not, therefore, this potentially crushing blow that sent me towards a weekend of grubbing it. It was, however, the smell of Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.

I went to York with my parents this weekend to visit my sister and see her lovely new house. I started well. We had a lovely picnic on our arrival and I nibbled at lovely carbohydrate free delights. I had green tea when we stopped for a drink. This was somewhat unravelled at dinner when the sea bass fillet had run out and I went for a steak instead. A 9oz rump steak, thank you very much.

Having had the steak, I decided I would have a Margarita too. I drew a line under it and we tootled back to her house. It was then I discovered that my sister lives next door to the Nestle factory and that the whole house is enveloped in the smell of molten chocolate from the hours of about 10pm until 4am. Like Charlie Bucket, I think the mountains of chocolate that I ate in the subsequent two days were born from the desire to find a golden ticket and get inside the gate.

I did go running on Saturday and Sunday but unpicked my good work with 10 Booja Booja chocolates, the same again of Monk’s Chocolatier chocolates, lamb for dinner, half a bottle of red wine, a McDonalds, a mars bar and a wee pack of Pringles. A binge of epic proportions.

I started to emulate Augustus Gloop, rather than the more lithe Charlie. I imagined myself lying prostrate on the ground, scooping up chocolate like a demented, overweight child. If only I had been sucked up the chute and carried off by the Oompa Loompas.

We had a lovely time this weekend. We had picnic on Friday and then wandered into York and ate at the most lovely restaurant. On Saturday, I left sister, husband-to-be and parents to go to garden centre while I went shopping. On my return, scrubbed, heaved, planted and we all created a lovely little space out the back; verbena, begonia, hydrangea. We also rolled out all those classic family stories. You know the ones? The ones that never fail to amuse that you have been telling for years but they are as fresh as the first time you experienced or heard them.

We were chatting about ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ and my mother was reminded of my uncle having a girl in his class who was a traveller. She also had a bit of a body odour problem and the other children in the class were ostracizing her. He decided to write a note to send home. He informed her parents of her plight in the most tactful of ways. A reply came back which read;

‘Our Rose gets sent to school to get telt, no smelt. She’s no a fucking daffodil’

You cannot argue with that.

Another classic was my mother trying desperately, without much success, to teach superlatives to a Primary 5 class. ‘I’ll give you an example class, ‘hot, hotter, hottest’’. I’ll give you a word and you give me the comparative superlative and then the absolute superlative.’

My mother started with one boy and the word ‘wet’. My mother expected the answer of ‘wet, wetter, and wettest’.

‘Ryan, the word is wet. What is your answer?’

‘Well miss, wet, soakin', ringin'.'

Perfectly fine in Scottish slang and another answer that cannot be argued with!

Sister made lovely tuna dish on Saturday night and then the wickedness started with the 10 Booja Booja incident and it was all downhill from there. Sunday, we went for run number two and I started with great intentions but, by the time we had Easter Sunday dinner, my resolve had melted like a Cadbury’s Easter Egg in the sun. I had lamb and mixed green vegetables to start. I then had a sneaky glass of wine that fast became three and then ate chocolates, the weight of my head in cheese and crackers and threw caution to the chocolate-scented wind.

Sister informed me that it is good to challenge ones metabolism from time to time and she is perfectly right. However, I assaulted mine this weekend. I am bloated and feel quite disgusted with myself. But wait….there is that smell again. It’s the chocolate wafting from Wonka’s. Damn you, Nestle. Damn you.

What can one do when one falls off the wagon but get right back on?

I am staying near work this week as I have the most gruelling amount of work due for Thursday evening and have to stay in office late to get any of it finished. The bus ride is not conducive to maintaining this rhythm and I cannot face the commute when I have so much to do and so much to think about. I am staying in the most soulless hotel in the world. It has a swimming pool and the whole place smells of chlorine. It is supposed to be 4 star but I think I missed the small print where it stipulates that this is only the case in an alternate universe. Dreadful.

I went for a run this morning and was unfortunately spotted by Dear Deirdre in all my lycra glory. Most disappointing that it is not also my invisible suit, which I had hoped it would be when I spent lavish amounts of money on it. Shake this morning, mid morning snack of egg white omelette, chicken and green veg for lunch and small portion of grilled chicken for late afternoon snack. Rounding off this evening with a shake in the chlorine perfumed room and, ever hopeful, that the smell of bleach, as opposed to molten chocolate, will make me as determined as I was before.
I look terrible today into the bargain. I purchased a raspberry coloured shirt from Whistles and it’s lovely but it’s too tight at chest. I feel rather trampy and I might actually go to hotel, get changed and come back here so I feel more comfortable.

It’s now 17.20 and I will be here for some time.

Kikicee




Kikicee

Day Eighty Five: ENOUGH!

Dear David,

ENOUGH!

No more navel contemplation. I may well die alone but I'll be in a fecking tiny coffin!

I was a little bad today and ate 5 chocolates lovingly handcrafted by the Jag. The sun was out. I had a half day. I met with one of my colleagues to help him work on a business proposition and then headed into Glasgow. I got there about 4pm and went to meeting at the bank. I then went and had a bit of a shop and headed home. Half an hour before I am usually home and I felt that I had cheated the space time continium. Wonderful. Wrapped gifts I had got for a friend of mine who is going travelling and some little things for my sister for Easter.

Forgot my bloody trainers again and I really have not done any exercise this week. Going running as often as I can over the long weekend as I don't think I'll be able to squeeze it in tomorrow. I have soooooo much to do tomorrow - getting sick of being so busy, all the time. It's very draining and I am not at my most patient.





Lovely Gabsta send me the invite to little baby Oscar's christening today - delighted. Heading off in May to Parma to see the Gatti family and I cannot wait. Non vedo l'ora!

Off to try your fitness DVD, David. Mabel's hire has expired and she has gone back to the big gym in the sky. Well, that would be Airdrie actually. This now means that I have space in my teeniest sister's room to get moving and shaking with the weights, the big ball and the medicine ball. Hmmm...this could go well or really rather badly!

Kikicee


Wednesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, steamed salmon and salad for lunch, 2 5 chocolates made by the Jag, late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for dinner

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE (forgot my running trainers)

Day Eighty Four: Destruction and Hope

Dear David,

What a day! Dear Deirdre had some stuff to do in the office so turned up today as a lovely, unexpected surprise. I thought I would be alone in the pod today. I forgot running trainers as was in rush this morning, I had the usual shitty meetings and felt rather overworked.

Unfortunately, I was indeed in sabotage mode and asked one of colleagues (who I know is not to be trusted) if one of crushes was single. This means that this will be round the place like wildfire, man will be scared off and epic fail result has been achieved. Dear Deirdre could have kicked me, much harder even than I could have kicked myself. He was so annoyed with me. I tried to beg with other colleague to say nothing but I fear the damage is done. Dear Deirdre suggested that we add another box outside and to the left of the SUBO zone to indicate just how shit I was as this kind of stuff. He says he has never seen anything quite like it. I should basically resign now because the uncomfortableness will be EPIC.

I have not always been like this. I thought long and hard about it on the way home. This all started post tumour and post putting on so much weight while sick. I don't think I have ever appreciated how much it has affected my very fragile self esteem, my confidence and my ability to relate to people. I met a couple of guys after I was sick and my friends were horrified by them. I set my sights very low, thinking I was broken and worth nothing. The resulting relationships were horrific. I got dreadfully hurt and it was my own fault. After a few times of getting kicked, or rather letting yourself get kicked, you start to develop a defence mechanism.

The physical and pyschological damage that my tumour caused has taken a long time to heal. The damage to my self image and self esteem is still on the mend. One of the title's of your books, David, resonates with me. Sound Body, Sound Mind. Christopher Reeve said it perfectly, 'I am not my body'. I am, however, my mind. I don't really know how to fix it. Fixing the weight is only part of it, it would seem. I am astounded that I am cognizant of what I am doing but don't feel in control. Why have I such a low opinion of myself? Why do I continue with patterns of behaviour that only serve to damage me?

I cannot have self esteem that is indexed linked to my weight. I am a woman. My weight will fluctate through my life's stages. Should I expect my core to be shaken every time I gain or lose a stone? Still frightened of myself, it would seem. I have written out the quote below and put it in my handbag. Who am I not to be?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I went to a concert this evening in Motherwell Cathedral. It was John Rutter's Requiem and the choir sang at the back, the church was in darkness and the congregation looked on to a silent screening of King of Kings by Cecil B DeMilne and Jesus of Nazareth by Franco Zeffirelli. It was spectacular. There was to be no clapping and we had just to leave in silence when it was finished. I sat in the half light, eyes light up with the powerful imagery and music washing over me and I felt a moment of perfect peace. I felt warm tears on my face, I forgave myself and told myself that I would find the strength to fix the last little pieces of the jigsaw into place.

I start tomorrow with hope.

Kikicee

Tuesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, steamed salmon and salad for lunch, 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter and small piece of steamed salmon for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for dinner

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE (forgot my running trainers)

Day Eighty Three: I'll have a Bengal Cat

Dear David,

It was a strange day today. I have really low blood pressure and when there is a storm coming, I know all about it. When there is low atmospheric pressure, I feel not of this world. I have sore head, feel like there is pressure being exerted on my body and I get very tired. I had two workshops today, two meetings and they were equally as frustrating.

I had lunch with Jag and waved goodbye to Dear Deirdre when he left for his Easter break. I looked like a dog's dinner today - outfit just really did not come good. Shoes were hurting my feet, trousers were a fraction too short and top and jacket combo looked messy. Looked fat. Very fat. Positively galumphing about like a big elephant with a bit of a limp. Ouch.

I had a think about the 'How not to become SUBO' chart and thought that I should analyse the SUBO zone in more detail. I have looked at the reaction of normal people to wanting to get to know someone and overlaid that on the superfantastical, nutter way I seem to process these situations.

What happens is as follows;


Zone 1: The normal person is 'not bovvered' but, at the same time, I have already started imagining what would happen if we got together, analyse their personality, superimpose characteristics that they are missing. I also try and second guess what they have got wrong with them and work out how we would gel or not gel or what we would fight about or not. When I then focus on what is probably terrible about them, I start to come down from fever pitch and like them a little less. The white arrow denotes where interest is reciprocated. This is where I go into EXTREME SABOTAGE mode. I am either horrible or overly keen or overly sarcastic. I mean we might actually end up getting to know one another and I might have to live in an actual reality and might get actually hurt.

Zone 2: This is where normal person has backed off completely. This is where I get more interested in them - you always want what you can't have!

Zone 3: Once the peak has been reached and the unreality ceiling has been hit, I then finally realise that this person is now very not interested and I slump into really not liking them. The normal person returns to a nice equilibrium.


In normal land or the 'Not Bovvered' zone, there are two potential trajectories. This is how normal people handle these kind of situations.

Scenario 1

Two people kind of like one another, one a little more than the other. One asks the other for a coffee or lunch and they get to know one another. They date. All going well, this trajectory continues until there is potential to enter the BOVVERED zone.

Scenario 2:

Two people kind of like one another, one a little more than the other. One asks the other for a coffee or lunch and they get to know one another. They date. One decides that they don't like the other person and backs off. The other people continues to like them but gets the hint. They eventually find their way back to the happy equilibrium and go back to being 'NOT BOVVERED'.

I feel like I just cannot get out the SUBO zone. I think I will inform Dear Deirdrie that I have officially given up. Crush one is definitely entering my sabotage zone and I am definitely on the verge of fucking it up. I just can't do it. It gave us all a good giggle while it lasted but I admit defeat.

I have opted for a Bengal cat and have stopped plucking my eyebrows.


It's GLEE time.

Kikicee


Monday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, steamed salmon and courgettes for lunch, 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Day Eighty to Day Eighty Two: Otto Titsling

Dear David,

It's official. I no longer have breasts. I now have HOOTERS. Having bought bras recently that were giving me the rather unfortunate '4 boob' effect, a colleague recommended I go to Bravissimo in Glasgow to be properly fitted for a bra. I went today. I arrived a 38D and I left a 34F. I giggled from Ingram Street to Rogano, in Royal Exchange Square. I laughed so loudly, a man stopped to ask me if someone had told me a good joke. I giggled while I had oysters and a virgin mary and I have not stopped laughing since. I cannot get the scene from Beaches out of my head where Bette Midler does the song about Otto Titsling. I actually now own a tit hammock.

I had big plans today to clean, work and exercise but shopping prevailed. I worked a little yesterday, pouring over some very boring policy statements from the FSA. I was up late on Saturday and I went into Glasgow for a while. I cleaned in the evening but really ended up making more of a mess. I went out on Friday night and was terribly bad. I drank and I had chicken pakora. I still was the token sober one as I didn't put that much away but we had ended up the in shittest club I think I have ever been in. Boho, across the road from Kelvingrove Art Gallery, is truly the most shit club on the face of the earth. It drove me to drink, it truly did. The women were faked tanned, faked eyelashes, hooker shoes and glitter. The men were tight pin striped trousers, brothel creepers, fitted shirts and preened hair. The music was crap, the floor was sticky and the dance floor lit up.

I am also blaming Boho (now named BooHoo) for the chicken pakora that I ate after we came out of the place. Stood in the street, horsing it, before my taxi came. Ragdster got a little virtrolic with FiFi and there was some storming off and drama. I am too old for this kind of shite. I watched like a bemused spectator, ate my pakora and then came home. I crept into bed and, for the first time in I don't know how long, I did not take my make-up off and woke up on Saturday like something from Tales from the Crypt. Nice.

I went for a run on Saturday to remediate for the drinking/eating on Friday and it was a great run. I really enjoyed it. I have not gained anything this weekend and it is not for the want of being bad. I really need to focus - I am still a big fat beast. I am enjoying being a couple of sizes smaller and I think I am resting on my laurels a little.

I will leave you with the lyrics from Otto Titsling. I implore you to watch it - it's too funny for words! Me and my hooters are off to bed.

Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's tits were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible tits.

Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."

"Oh, thank you!"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?

Kikicee


Friday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch + chicken pakora after the pub....I had 3 shots of tequila and a vodka.....

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Saturday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, turkey and red peppers for dinner


Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: RUNNING - 40 mins


Sunday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch,  6 oysters and a virgin Mary, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, turkey and spinach for dinner

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Day Seventy Nine: 37 percent

Dear David,

Today was much, much better than yesterday. I laid out scones and the happiness started. I worked hard this morning and got lots done. I had a meeting in the afternoon and then I had another workshop before finishing up for the night. Chatted to my boss about the disasterous meeting and he told me that today was Optimistic Thursday! So I came up with a few strategies to push and pull people, gently, through the decision-making process. I told him he was fantastic and he told me I was fantastic. Put down the phone and felt a warm glow. Love my boss, really do. He is the ying to my yang, or rather the ice to my fire.

I have been feeling frustrated of late with the lack of weight loss. I know I am gaining muscle, I know I am losing inches but I can't help expecting to see some results on the scales. I was speaking to TG today, an agent I have dealt with in the past, and a bastion of health and fitness. He told me that I should get my body fat measured at the gym and that I would see results there.

However, I found a way to measure fat that does not require the kit that they use in the gym. The page I found is here.

"While most people associate measuring body fat with skin calipers, there's another method that involves taking a few measurements and using a formula to determine the percentage of body fat. This method, used by the US Navy, is as accurate (and possibly more accurate) than the skinfold test. Plus, it's more convenient. So here's how to use what the Navy calls the "rope and choke" technique to measure your body fat percentage." The calculator that this site links to does not work so I used this one here.

So here's goes nothing...

The result is 37.22%. I am in a healthy range (by the skin of my ass) - wonders never cease! I found a super article on it and the other things the one can measure to have a more complete view of your make up and where you need to be. I am going to ask about all of these at the gym at work and see what I can get done there. I need to keep motivated!

Kikicee


Thursday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, Turkey and broccoli for dinner

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: RUNNING - 40 mins

Day Seventy Eight: I have the all consuming rage

Dear David,

The day started well and then descended into hell.

I had a lovely morning. I floated about, got lots of work done in preparation for late afternoon meeting. Dear Deirdre managed to get to the core of my problem. Basically, I get so socially stunted that I refrain from any natural human interaction and build up a fake relationship in my head. I then build it up and then I knock it down - crush is over and I move on. No-one gets hurt and no-one is any the wiser but I end up in what Dear Deirdre has named the SUBO (Susan Boyle) zone. This is the zone when I end up alone in a council flat with a monobrow and a brood of cats, fantasizing about all my imaginary relationships.

What Dear Deirdre suggested was that I needed to do was exit the SUBO zone immediately when i like someone and enter the 'NOT BOVVERED' zone. When I have identified someone I would like to know more about, I should act immediately to ask them for coffee or lunch or something. I then keep in this zone and by learning more about the actual person, I might enter into the 'BOVVERED' zone. I fashioned this into what I call;

THE TRAJECTORY OF 'AM I BOVVERED?' OR HOW NOT TO BECOME SUBO

This is now pinned up on my wall and we are going to track my progress. The Jag and Dear Deirdre and going to come over to the supermarket with me at lunchtime and score me on striking up conversations with strangers and I have to ask a few people to lunch that I know but do not have a crush on so that I get used to the whole concept of not being a headcase.

I also got series of recommendations of how I should communicate with one of my colleagues based on his Jungian style personality report. I am making up my own bloody chart and he and the people from this afternoon's meeting are getting a copy of it.

The afternoon meeting was DIABOLICAL. Utter shite. I bascially went in to get final sign off on decisions that the group assembled had made in workshops I had held. I had minuted all the decisions, faithfully sent them and asked for any interim feedback. You would have thought that I had made them all up based on their reaction. They argued and debated and argued and debated at me. I was so frustrated. I then had a stupid comment from one of the girls about a decision that had been made in another workshop, that she had been at, sneering and indicating how stupid it was. I actually felt pure, utter rage. Meeting finished late and I missed my bus. It took me almost 3 hours to get home and actually feel like killing somone. I made about 3 million stress scones and I thumped the living hell of them!



I am off to bed now - all too much for me, my monobrow and cats.


Wednesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, chicken and spinach curry

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: Nout

Day Seventy Seven: Running....out of time, it would seem

Dear David,

Busy and sunny day. Had meeting at 8.30 am and it continued in the same vein. I did get some respite as the people who should have attended the afternoon workshop could not make it and it was cancelled by default. Joy! I got some time to catch up on work and chat to my pod buddies.

It was somewhat a double edged sword. One, who we shall call 'Dear Deidre', has decided that he is going to add remedying my 'dateless' status to his work objectives. He tried to persuade me to make overtures to crush one today but I explained how engrained my social retardation is - I recounted one of my sorry tales. There was a chap I liked at the last place that I worked in and he messaged me one day and said 'I am thirsty'. I replied 'You should drink something'. He said 'I would like to..'. I replied 'Would you like a side of bitchy company with that?'

So the plan was made to go for a drink after work. I got so anxious about it that when 5.30pm came, I stood up and invited our whole team to the pub. EPIC, EPIC, EPIC FAIL. Dear Deirdre almost removed the item from his list of objectives on hearing this story as he now feels that he did not appreciate how difficult this objective would be to meet!

Apart from my general social retardation, it was a great day and I went for a much needed run. It was great today and I have definitely found a pace that I am comfortable with by taking out the pulse monitor and keeping my heart rate to 155. Really made a difference today but definitely still feeling the drag of my gargantuan arse.

On the subject of the gargantuan arse, I actually felt a muscle twinge in it today post run. It was a beautiful moment until I realised that I had a stitch in both my side and my arse. I wish the dog had bit it off at the farm!

Off to start the ebaying of all my clothes that don't fit me.

Kikicee


Tuesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: Running - 40 mins

Day Seventy Three to Day Seventy Six: Cheat-astic

Dear David,

I went to funeral on Friday; a very sad affair indeed. My good friend's father died rather suddenly and it was awful to see him so upset. We had a wake afterwards and the traditional fare here in Scotland is steak pie, tatties and peas. It is not optional and not the kind of occasion where one can whip up a shake and slurp it. So I had lentil soup, steak pie and the trimmings and then went to the pub. I didn't drink any alcohol though. I headed into Glasgow for the latter half of the day. I went for a bit of a shop and had things to do at the bank.

I went to Whistles, Space.NK and COS. Whistles has a fantastic sale on at the moment and bought myself a fabulous green, body con style dress. The cheeky mare at the counter, umprompted, told me that it suited people with curves better but so few of them tried it on because they were worried about the body contouring nature of the frock. Who asked you, stick insect lady? Who asked you? Take my card and my money and cut the chat. Now I have a complex about wearing the frock. I wore it today to impress crush one but I think I might be off him.

The more (and more) I think about it, I have never been any good at picking men. For my parents, it must have been like when a cat comes home with something it has killed as a present. 'Oh dear, we are so pleased you have met somone, but you do realise he is a decapitated mouse?' The ones that have courted and woo'ed have, on average, been better chaps that the ones I have made a bee line for.....the moral of the story, the universe will provide. With more and more thought I realise the crush one lacks orchids and crush two has the potential to be the most boring arse that ever walked the face of the earth. Back to the drawing board.....or rather the Edinburgh cat and dog home.




I went to friend's farm in Ayrshire this weekend. I headed over on Saturday morning and the sun was breaking the sky, breaking the sky. They have sheep and it's nearly lambing season. There were two new, rather early lambs.

The dog is still mouthing and had a good bite at my large bum. The dog has a penchant for girls bums and I have quite a meal there for the biting! We watched some cracking DVDs and really just pottered about.

It was a great weekend but, after the steak pie funeral, I was on a slippery slope. We ate a McDonalds in the car on the way up and then had an Indian meal in th evening. MInd you, it was not just a McDonalds - it was a proper supersize - large McChicken Sandwich meal AND 6 chicken nuggets on the side. I am still regretting not having the sundae as well. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Well, two pounds to be precise...

I jumped on the scales this morning and it's a two pound gain. I am back on track now and am getting really stuck into the running this week. I am off now for some dinner and then it's GLEEEEEEEEEEEEE time!

Kikicee

Friday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla),Lentil Soup & Steak Pie, protein shake (Vanilla)
Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Saturday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), MEGA McDonalds, Chicken Curry & Rice, Naan Bread....
Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Sunday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla),Chicken & green veg, protein shake (Vanilla)
Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE

Day Seventy Two: Freedom

Dear David,

Oh bliss! No workshops today, a much needed reprieve. I had to do a training course late in the day but it gave me time to get write-ups done from this week, lots of work and admin and talk a lot of shite to my colleagues. It was delightful. I have not spoken to my pod buddies for two weeks or thereabouts and I have been missing them terribly. I disseminated scones, left a grand national sweepstake kit to be run tomorrow in my absence and generally blethered.

Finally managed to get lunch with my two nearest and dearest pod buddies. We talked about the crushes that I have and one of them has decided that, as I am not getting any younger, I should take a more agressive approach. He has decided that I should not be left on the shelf and become a crazy cat lady so he suggested that we raffle a date with me to raise funds for the victims in Japan. Then we should fix the results so that it ends up to be one of two crushes. Failing that, he sent me a link to the Edinburgh cat and dog home, where they have pictures of cats that you can rehome! I'm going for the cat and the crushes have abated. Nothing like reality to put you off someone!

I went for a run today and it was great. It was hard going as it was more running this time than walking. I really feel weighted down by huge ass and am very aware that I make running look hard. I enabled the GPS on the C25K app and it was great to see speeds and distance at the end. It will be good to compare and contrast my progress over the coming weeks. Feel full of beans and full of health. Mood positively elevated!

I am getting a little bored with how slow weight loss is at the moment. It's going in the right direction and it's steady but I would like more dramatic results. I am losing patience but trying to stay focused. I am wondering how best to keep myself motivated through the next 50 pounds.......

I have to go to a funeral tomorrow so might not get a chance to update blog but will try my best. I am heading to farm this weekend and going to throw a few sheep about and catch up with my one of my oldest and bestest friends. Roll on the weekend!


Kikicee

Thursday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), wee can of tuna, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, another can of tuna for late-afternoon snack, grilled chicken and green vegetables
Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: 30 mins RUN and 15 mins of MABEL

Day Seventy One: whoops

Dear David,

If anyone has any ideas as to why I just ate the leftover pasta salad, answers on a postcard please.

I was standing eating, knowing I was cheating and I didn't really care. No reason. Hungry - no. Emotional - no. Bored - no. Confused - yes.







Kikicee

Day Seventy One: Running

Dear David,

Oh the joy! I managed to get out for a run today. I really enjoyed it and I felt like I really needed it. It was actually lovely to do something for myself and block out time in my calendar for me. I had yet another busy day today. It was actually non-stop. Scones went down a treat and whipped up another batch this evening. I am going to start eating a lunch, rather than a shake from next week so I am getting back to some Kirsch style cooking. I will stop littering here with recipes of pure wickedness!

Running was great today - week 2, day 2 of training. It was positively exhilarating. I also managed to get the disabled changing room post run. This gives me great joy as I don't have to get changed in front of anyone or have anyone elses bits in my face. I hate gym changing rooms and it's definitely not a fat thing. It's definitely a prude thing.

In the main communal dressing area, there is also a brush that everyone uses that is matted with generations of hair and it's the most revolting thing I have ever seen. Seconded only by the hair straighteners that are covered with burnt hair from heads too numerous to count. It would give you the heave.



I headed home this evening and sat next to the smelliest man on the bus. Epic fail. I could not have a snooze as he was too pungent for words. Arrived home and did 15 mins of high intensity training on Mabel. It was a bit much. I had aimed for half an hour but it was folly. Whipped up scones instead, watched the football with my dad whilst making them and shed a little tear for Chelsea. I really cannot abide Wayne Rooney and hence Manchester United have fallen out of favour with me. He really is the missing link.

Going to my friend's farm this weekend and looking forward to a change of scene. I really need a holiday though and don't think I can hold out until the week I have booked in late June. I need to feel the sun on my skin; that lovely feeling when you feel your body warmed from the bones out. I might try and get a long weekend away somewhere before then.

Added some content to the Apps page and the DK (David Kirsch) Resources page. It's just some links out to David Kirsch materials, equipment you need for the exercise program etc...

Anyway off for the post match analysis

Kikicee


Wednesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), wee can of tuna, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, another can of tuna for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: 30 mins RUN and 15 mins of MABEL

Day Seventy: Scones

Dear David,

Dreadfully busy but dreadfully lovely day today. I had a lovely group of people in my workshops and there was a great atmosphere. We got through a lot of stuff and it was a successful day. I am tired, very tired but promised to make scones so I have just whipped up the most wonderful scones. It is a gift from God that I love to make them, am good at making them but absolutely hate to eat them!

The recipe has taken me about 3 years to perfect and it is with great trepidation that I share it with you here now. Totally full of stuff one should not be eating!

I got presents for babies today and felt most clucky. My friend has just had a baby in Ireland and I am going to a christening in May. There was a beautiful stall in work today and I got the most lovely things. Must send tomorrow to Ireland.

I have done no exercise today, apart from talking like a train. I have blocked out time in my diary tomorrow for a run and I am actually looking forward to it. Freaky.

Scones

Ingredients

550g self-raising flour

Pinch of baking powder

Pinch of salt

50g - 70g caster sugar

110g unsalted butter, diced

1 egg lightly beaten

50ml double cream

100-200ml milk

1 egg beaten with 1 tbsp water to glaze

		Sift the flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl and stir in the sugar. Using your fingertips, lightly work in the butter until the mixture resembles dry breadcrumbs. Add the egg, cream and enough milk to moisten. Mix well until it has a soft, doughy texture - but it shouldn't be too moist.
.		Gather the dough into a ball and turn it out on to a floured surface, then roll lightly with a rolling pin to 2.5cm/1 inch thick. Cut out with a round cutter, transfer to a greased baking sheet and brush the tops with the egg glaze. Bake in an oven preheated to 180C/350F/gas mark 4 for 15- 20 minutes or until well browned.

Kikicee

Tuesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: Bugger all

Day Sixty Nine: Top Fanny

Dear David,

Another really busy, busy day. I put my head down at 9am and when I next looked up it was home time. An unwelcome distraction in the middle as I had a meeting with the angriest man in the whole wide world. He was agressive, nasty, imposing and a total arse into the bargain. A total arse of the highest order. I placated, found solutions and navigated his nasty nature, huge ego and undoubtedly tiny penis. Total waste of my time and energy. I don't understand people who bring their personality problems to work. Work is not there to make you feel more important or smarter or more confident or more accepted. It is there to make you money.

I was,however, determined to make time for a run. I went down, kit bag in hand, to the changing rooms and stripped off. Stuck on t-shirt and then discovered that I had left my joggers at home. EPIC FAIL. I looked like some crazy changing room lady as I scrambled back into my clothes and then swaggered past the people in the restaurant I had passed but mere moments before. 

I was so tired this weekend after a week of hellfire last week. I have been terribly lazy about updating blog. I forgotten to mention that I went to a comedy gig on Saturday night which was so bad that we coined the term 'TRAUMEDY'. The night was topped when, on going to the bathroom, a gentleman paid me a rather strange compliment. He looked me deep in the eyes and said 'Top Fanny'. If you are reading this from the U.S.A, fanny is the colloquial term for vagina here and not ass.

My friends and I mused over when this became an acceptable compliment and also pondered how not down with the kids we are.It has ratified the decision to maintain my single status for a long time to come. I was chatting with some blokes from my work on Friday and they asked me if I was single. I informed that I was and that I was happy being single as I didn't think I was suited to being in a couple. One of them asked me if I was a lesbian. People are made dreadfully uncomfortable by single women of a certain age. They need to define them so the question did not surprise me.

I replied that I wasn't and then uncomfortably tried to explain that I was simply a bit of a freak and that I rather enjoyed my own company and my own space. Next time, I am going to say I am a lesbian - it's decidely quicker and probably makes me sound more interesting than I am! There are a couple of chaps at work that I like but I am always attracted to chaps who are decidely unavailable, emotionally or otherwise. It is definitely because I don't want to be with anyone but I like the idea of having a crush one someone. It passes the time.

On a positive note, my cheekbones have made a welcome come back and skin is looking good. I worked really hard today and achieved a lot. I have found and packed running trousers for tomorrow. Cleaned up the Recipe page. Glee is on tonight and all is right with the world.

Kikicee

Monday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), tiny tin of tuna, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry x 3), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: None, but it wasn't for the want of trying

Day Sixty Five to Sixty Eight: Blow out and burn out

Dear David,

What a week! I am heading for burnout and then blowout, if I am not careful. I had to work really late on Wednesday and had to stay overnight in Edinburgh. Returned to the Chester Residence and I got the most wonderful deal. It was a night of bliss and I really got a chance to relax. It was workshop a-go-go this week and I really am frazzled. It culminated in a meeting on Friday that was rather heated but it was hotly followed by buggering off early as one of the chaps I sit with was changing department and it was his leaving lunch. I had made the most massive chocolate fudge cake on Thursday night, after having met with a friend of mine who I used to work with. He is on a health kick too and has started his running training. Wonderful company and he warned me of blowout. I could even feel myself ranting and getting rather hysterical about work when I talked to him about it so I really concentrated on relaxing this weekend so that I can return to work tomorrow in the right frame of mind.

Headed to the lunch on Friday and then to a bar, to another and then another. I cracked and had a couple of vodkas (tsk, tsk) and then headed home. Slept until the afternoon on Saturday and have never needed to sleep so much in all my life. Headed out to meet Mme Radge and went to a comedy show and then dancing in Buff Club. Really lovely night but home dreadfully late.

Mother's Day today and up early to treat mummykins to breakfast, shower her in gifts and generally be lovely to her. Lots of flowers in the house today and it's just beautiful.

I went running again today and have completed running training for this week. Last run of the three was rather easier than the previous two and I am confident I can get through this. I am determined to become a runner but I have to say I do make it look hard. I think when one is bottom heavy that running is definitely more of a challenge. I actually feel rooted to the spot when I start to run. I hope when losing more weight I find that this sensation goes. Did a little ''measure in'', rather than weigh in and was pleased with my progress. I obviously do need to lose more than 5" from my arse before running becomes a more pleasant experience!!!


Starting vital stats were:

Bust : 43"
Waist : 39.5"
Hips: 47"

Today's measurements were:

Bust : 40"
Waist : 33"
Hips: 42"

I have been terrible about updating blog and am going to be more disciplined this week but the week ahead requires an early bed. I hang my head in shame.....

Kikicee


Wednesday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: 30 mins RUN


Thursday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: Nothing...

Friday
Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, Thai curry, 3 vodkas

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: Nothing

Saturday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: 30 mins on x-trainer


Sunday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), wee tin of tuna, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, almonds for late-afternoon snack, Grilled seafood and green veg

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: 30 mins RUN