The day started well and then descended into hell.
I had a lovely morning. I floated about, got lots of work done in preparation for late afternoon meeting. Dear Deirdre managed to get to the core of my problem. Basically, I get so socially stunted that I refrain from any natural human interaction and build up a fake relationship in my head. I then build it up and then I knock it down - crush is over and I move on. No-one gets hurt and no-one is any the wiser but I end up in what Dear Deirdre has named the SUBO (Susan Boyle) zone. This is the zone when I end up alone in a council flat with a monobrow and a brood of cats, fantasizing about all my imaginary relationships.
What Dear Deirdre suggested was that I needed to do was exit the SUBO zone immediately when i like someone and enter the 'NOT BOVVERED' zone. When I have identified someone I would like to know more about, I should act immediately to ask them for coffee or lunch or something. I then keep in this zone and by learning more about the actual person, I might enter into the 'BOVVERED' zone. I fashioned this into what I call;
THE TRAJECTORY OF 'AM I BOVVERED?' OR HOW NOT TO BECOME SUBO
This is now pinned up on my wall and we are going to track my progress. The Jag and Dear Deirdre and going to come over to the supermarket with me at lunchtime and score me on striking up conversations with strangers and I have to ask a few people to lunch that I know but do not have a crush on so that I get used to the whole concept of not being a headcase.
I also got series of recommendations of how I should communicate with one of my colleagues based on his Jungian style personality report. I am making up my own bloody chart and he and the people from this afternoon's meeting are getting a copy of it.
The afternoon meeting was DIABOLICAL. Utter shite. I bascially went in to get final sign off on decisions that the group assembled had made in workshops I had held. I had minuted all the decisions, faithfully sent them and asked for any interim feedback. You would have thought that I had made them all up based on their reaction. They argued and debated and argued and debated at me. I was so frustrated. I then had a stupid comment from one of the girls about a decision that had been made in another workshop, that she had been at, sneering and indicating how stupid it was. I actually felt pure, utter rage. Meeting finished late and I missed my bus. It took me almost 3 hours to get home and actually feel like killing somone. I made about 3 million stress scones and I thumped the living hell of them!
I am off to bed now - all too much for me, my monobrow and cats.
Wednesday
Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch, wee can of tuna and 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, chicken and spinach curry
Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia
Exercise: Nout
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