Day Eighty Three: I'll have a Bengal Cat

Dear David,

It was a strange day today. I have really low blood pressure and when there is a storm coming, I know all about it. When there is low atmospheric pressure, I feel not of this world. I have sore head, feel like there is pressure being exerted on my body and I get very tired. I had two workshops today, two meetings and they were equally as frustrating.

I had lunch with Jag and waved goodbye to Dear Deirdre when he left for his Easter break. I looked like a dog's dinner today - outfit just really did not come good. Shoes were hurting my feet, trousers were a fraction too short and top and jacket combo looked messy. Looked fat. Very fat. Positively galumphing about like a big elephant with a bit of a limp. Ouch.

I had a think about the 'How not to become SUBO' chart and thought that I should analyse the SUBO zone in more detail. I have looked at the reaction of normal people to wanting to get to know someone and overlaid that on the superfantastical, nutter way I seem to process these situations.

What happens is as follows;


Zone 1: The normal person is 'not bovvered' but, at the same time, I have already started imagining what would happen if we got together, analyse their personality, superimpose characteristics that they are missing. I also try and second guess what they have got wrong with them and work out how we would gel or not gel or what we would fight about or not. When I then focus on what is probably terrible about them, I start to come down from fever pitch and like them a little less. The white arrow denotes where interest is reciprocated. This is where I go into EXTREME SABOTAGE mode. I am either horrible or overly keen or overly sarcastic. I mean we might actually end up getting to know one another and I might have to live in an actual reality and might get actually hurt.

Zone 2: This is where normal person has backed off completely. This is where I get more interested in them - you always want what you can't have!

Zone 3: Once the peak has been reached and the unreality ceiling has been hit, I then finally realise that this person is now very not interested and I slump into really not liking them. The normal person returns to a nice equilibrium.


In normal land or the 'Not Bovvered' zone, there are two potential trajectories. This is how normal people handle these kind of situations.

Scenario 1

Two people kind of like one another, one a little more than the other. One asks the other for a coffee or lunch and they get to know one another. They date. All going well, this trajectory continues until there is potential to enter the BOVVERED zone.

Scenario 2:

Two people kind of like one another, one a little more than the other. One asks the other for a coffee or lunch and they get to know one another. They date. One decides that they don't like the other person and backs off. The other people continues to like them but gets the hint. They eventually find their way back to the happy equilibrium and go back to being 'NOT BOVVERED'.

I feel like I just cannot get out the SUBO zone. I think I will inform Dear Deirdrie that I have officially given up. Crush one is definitely entering my sabotage zone and I am definitely on the verge of fucking it up. I just can't do it. It gave us all a good giggle while it lasted but I admit defeat.

I have opted for a Bengal cat and have stopped plucking my eyebrows.


It's GLEE time.

Kikicee


Monday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, steamed salmon and courgettes for lunch, 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for lunch

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: NONE