Day Ninety Two: Path to Happiness

Dear David,

Dear Deirdre has worked hard on me today. Instead of having dealt with the rejection and moved on, I was initially most philosophical but three days in a hotel and 12 hour days at work have given me a lot of time to dwell and stew on this. I started with nonchalance, peppered with a little anger. I then moved on to self pity and self loathing.

Deirdre has spent today trying to explain how to move on and why I should move on. We developed another model. It is called 'How to get on the path of least resistance or the road to happiness'.

It goes something like this. Lady asks man out and man rejects her. She has three options.

1. She can dwell on it and continue down the road of abject misery
2. She can move on and go onto the highway of happiness
3. She can try to ask again

If lady goes for option 3, she can get a positive response which can result in either happiness or abject misery depending on the calibre of gentleman. If she gets another knock back then she can potentially go down the road towards abject misery.

What we can surmise is the the following. The shortest, quickest and path of least resistance is to move on.

Dear Deirdre made me put in the clock as he thought it was a potent reminder that I am getting older and that I should stop fannying about immediately.

Dear Deirdre also pointed out that the way that I asked him for a drink was not dreadfully explicit. He tried to explain his lack of reponse to me. It was one of the following options;

1. He did not understand what I meant because it was too subtle
2. He did understand what I meant and just ignored it
3. He did understand what I meant and ignored it because he did not know how to say no

He then went on to explain the implications of these options;

1. He did not understand what I meant because it was too subtle = He is thick
2. He did understand what I meant and just ignored it = He is an arse
3. He did understand what I meant and ignored it because he did not know how to say no = He is spineless

He asked me if these were qualities that I was looking for in a potential mate. If these were not indeed qualities that I was looking for in a mate, he recommended I take the path to happiness immediately.

The original model is shown below.




I saw man today. I talked like a train AT him and was so uncomfortable that I swore like a trooper. I then spent all afternoon cross referencing my requirements document with FSA policy statements and dwelling on how horrible, terrible and awful I must be.That's terrible, isn't it?! I despaired that I was brash, foul mouthed, loud yet at the same time shy and awkward. Oh and fat, how terribly, terribly fat.

To further compound matters, I have to move desk. I got confirmation today. I have to move round to the Corner of Depression, Shiteville or the Dark Place. I have not decided on a name which aptly describes the dreadful atmosphere round where my new desk will be. It is however a good desk. It's a corner desk, lots of space, at the window and screen not in view of a soul. This will not make up for the diabolical atmosphere.

Boss assures me that I bring fun wherever I go and that I can make my own fun but I am going to miss Jag and Deirdre terribly. I just cannot bear the thought of not seeing them every day at such close quarters. It will be woeful.

The model is helping with the man stuff though. Path of least resistance has been choosen. I am reading 'Oh the Places You'll Go' by Dr Seuss this evening. It's the only self-help book anyone will ever need. Text below.

Dreadfully wicked today. I had a boost bar about 4pm in a moment of depravity. I have the Oompa Loompas on speed dial. I am starting afresh on Wednesday when my 5 day detox kit arrives and I start all over again. I feel like I need a fresh start. I have brains in my head and feet in my shoes and I can steer myself in any direction I choose. I choose HAPPINESS!


Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!



Thursday

Food: protein shake (Vanilla), egg white omelette mid-morning, frittata and salad for lunch, 2 tablespoons of sugar free peanut butter and small piece of steamed salmon for late-afternoon snack, protein shake (Vanilla) for dinner + a Boost chocolate bar (why?)

Supplements: Thermobubbles, Vitamin Superjuice (Raspberry), Flush and Cleanse, Hoodia

Exercise: RUNNING WEEK 4 DAY 2 (C25k app)